


The Puzzlement of Kyon

by vangoggles



Category: Suzumiya Haruhi Series, Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu | The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Genre: Angst and Porn, Dubious Consent, M/M, Masturbation, Public Blow Jobs, cheap ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:43:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vangoggles/pseuds/vangoggles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working title. A close encounter of a questionable nature leaves Kyon confused as to where his already strained relationship with Koizumi stands. M/M Slash. Contains dub/con. There will be an eventual plot.<br/>(Repost from FF.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I merged chapters 1-3 into Chapter One because they were so short; this is still all the same story. Chapter Two was the previous chapter 4, and is all new material.

The final bell rang, signalling the end of classes for the day. I picked up my schoolbag and began to make my way to the clubroom. It’s funny how quickly this had become my daily routine; I didn’t have think about where I was walking anymore – my feet just led me to the Literature Club room on their own.

I hesitated in front of the door, hand hovering over the knob, as I heard Asahina-san and Haruhi’s yelling from within.

“B-but it’s just a little bit of tea! It’ll dry off by the time club activities end, and I can take it home and wash it then!” Asahina-san cried shrilly, and I could just imagine her tearful face.

“It won’t do to have a dishevelled maid! Cute and clumsy is one thing, but a stain on your blouse is absolutely unacceptable!” Haruhi declared, and I could just imagine her own lecherous expression. I felt a headache coming on, and my cheeks growing warm.

Asahina-san usually changed into her maid costume before any of us arrived, if only to spare herself the humiliation of being forced to play dress-up with Haruhi. But it would appear her role as the clumsy maid suited her a bit too well, and she had accidentally split tea on her uniform. Haruhi must now have been in the process of making her change. Nagato was undoubtedly reading silently by the window, impervious to the distraction of Asahina-san’s cries for help.

“Please, Suzumiya-san, I can take it off myself!” Asahina-san wailed, and I heard a thump as one of the girls must have bumped into the table.

I covered my face in shame on behalf of Asahina-san, trying to block out the embarrassing noises from beyond the door I was leaning against.

“What outfit should we pick today, Mikuru-chan?” Haruhi sang ominously, and Asahina-san whimpered in response.

“Waitress?” She cheerfully suggested, and I couldn’t help but picture the ridiculously short costume that exposed Asahina-san’s long, milky legs. The white apron and pink skirt barely covered her thighs, and the brown leather corset cinched her narrow waist and pushed up her generous bust. The large white bow at the back nicely framed her bottom, just hidden by the ruffled pink dress.

Why was I torturing myself with this image? My cheeks burned.

“No? Then how about... Sexy nurse?”

I heard Asahina-san hiccup, and recalled when she had first worn that outfit, particularly the way the cotton-polyester fabric hugged her curves, and rode up just a bit at the back. It was before the baseball tournament, and after Haruhi had shown us the flier, she wrapped herself around Asahina-san and began to nibble on her ear. The beautiful nurse had gone cherry red and made noises that were criminally sexy.

_Oh, shit..._

 I was getting hard. This wasn’t good; I couldn’t walk in the clubroom like this. I took off my blazer and draped it over my forearm, folding my arm over my stomach so that the thick fabric concealed the growing bulge in my pants.

“Well then how about Bunny Girl?” I could almost hear Haruhi pout through her voice.

I can’t handle any more! Please just choose an outfit and spare me this torment!

I bit my lip, picturing Asahina-san serving tea as usual, only in her bunny girl outfit. Her breasts would bounce ever so slightly as she’d lean over me to pour the tea, and that stunning smile of hers might be teasing, or even naughty. I tensed suddenly, feeling my erection twitch in my boxers.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but in my imagining of Asahina-san in these outfits, I had unconsciously begun to rock against my hand. While my jacket may have concealed my hand itself, it couldn’t hide the slight movement of my hips, though I wasn’t paying attention to that.

“My, what a thing to do where anyone can see.”

My heart stopped, and my eyes snapped open to see Koizumi standing before me, a devilish smirk replacing his normally amicable (and fake) smile.

“Shut up!” I hissed, breaking eye contact in my humiliation.

The girls continued to scuffle behind the door, Haruhi apparently having decided upon the Battle Waitress costume.

Koizumi only put a finger to his lips coquettishly, stepping closer to me. “You wouldn’t want the girls to hear.”

Hear what? What are you thinking? Don’t be gross!

“I haven’t done anything yet,” He said, and I could feel his hot breath blow against my neck. A disturbing scenario, to be sure.

What’s this about ‘yet’? You’re not going to do anything at all!

“It would appear you have a problem.” He hummed, being so bold as to cup me through both my blazer and trousers.

I stifled a gasp, pressing myself flat against the door and praying that the girls wouldn’t finish any time soon.

“It’s a problem I can fix.” He stated simply, rubbing his palm firmly against me. I couldn’t stop the keening noise from the back of my throat, and I felt ashamed.

“S-stop, Koizumi.” I managed to bite out, covering my face with my free hand.

“You aren’t making a move to stop me yourself; do you really want me to?” He practically purred, and disturbingly enough, it made me shudder in anticipation.

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that.

“Look at me.” He said, and I reluctantly shifted my gaze to meet his. I gasped at the intensity of his stare, and his lips turned up into a wicked grin.

“Were you thinking of Asahina-san?” He asked haughtily, reaching with his free hand to press against the door next to my head. His tone was sharper than usual, and he seemed a bit hostile.

I refused to answer, turning my head away from his hand. I thought I heard him murmur something else, but I couldn’t make out what it was. He leaned in closer, and pressed his lips against my neck.  

“What do you think you’re doing? What if people see?!”

He shushed me quietly, and the vibrations of his lips against my throat made me tremble. “The Computer club doesn’t meet today. Nobody’s in this building but our brigade.”

That doesn’t make me feel any better! What if the girls hear?

“Then be quiet.” He said bluntly, and continued attacking my neck. He unzipped my fly and I balked, dropping my blazer to grasp his shirt. He chuckled as he nipped the junction between my neck and shoulder, and slipped his fingers inside my pants.

“Koizumi.” I rasped, and bit down on my lip in fear of being heard.

“Mm.” He hummed, licking a trail up my neck to my jaw line.

“Honestly, where’s the stupid corset?” Haruhi cried from within the room, and I silently thanked whatever God it was that had allowed us more time.

Koizumi pulled my erection out of the slit of my boxers, so it jutted out of my open fly. I sighed in relief as he stroked it softly with just his fingertips.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the distressed, yet very cute noises Asahina-san was making behind the door. I was surprised when Koizumi leaned in to claim my lips, forcefully deepening the kiss with his skilful tongue.

No, why am I phrasing it like that? This isn’t what I want; it feels gross!

I tried to convince myself that it was only the thought of Asahina-san’s attractive moans and ample figure that turned me on so much, but I was unable to ignore the feeling of Koizumi’s deft fingers and his hot mouth. He broke the kiss to pant heavily, and kissed down the column of my throat.

He drew his hand away from my cock and I made a faint noise of discontent, until an overpowering wet heat seemed to engulf me entirely. My eyes shot open and I looked down in a panic, to the strangely arousing sight of Koizumi’s smirk wrapped around my dick. My eyelids fluttered and my whole body tensed. Koizumi chuckled softly. The reverberations ran through my dick all the way up my spine, and I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out. He seemed to relish in this, the bastard, and he bobbed his head up and down.

The fact that we could be potentially caught at any time added a thrilling sense of apprehension. I focussed on the delicious heat of Koizumi’s mouth, and on straining my ears to hear how Haruhi and Asahina-san were coming along.

Haruhi had found the corset, but now was looking for Asahina-san’s stockings. We didn’t have much time.

Suddenly, Koizumi took as much of me into his mouth as he could and swallowed, the strange pressure causing me to choke on the breath I was holding in surprise. I tried to cough silently, and the racking movement only made my hips thrust further into his mouth.

“Koizumi.” I whimpered, clenching my eyes shut as I hunched over and gripped his shoulders tightly. I was close, and I knew he could tell.

He grasped my hips gently, going at his own agonising pace. He took me in all the way and gave a quiet moan, the vibrations being just enough to send me over the edge. I clenched the fabric of Koizumi’s blazer in my fingers as I came, thrusting my hips forward one last time as I tensed and gasped as quietly as I could manage.

I shivered as I felt my orgasm pulse through me and melt away, my grip on Koizumi growing slack. I was mortified at having come in his mouth, but he just swallowed it with as cryptic a smile as always.

Refusing to make eye contact, I straightened myself up and zipped my fly. He hadn’t left any trace of our liaison, to my surprise, and it was as if it hadn’t happened.

That was what I told myself, as I grimly knocked on the clubroom door to see if the girls were done.

“It’s open.” Haruhi called.

I opened the door and sat down without looking at anyone, quietly setting up the Othello board instead.

“Ah, Koizumi-kun, where are you going so soon?” Haruhi asked curiously, and Koizumi flashed her a dazzling smile.

“My apologies, but my throat is feeling suddenly dry. I’m going to the water fountain, but I’ll be back post-haste.” He explained in his queer old-fashioned way, his voice slightly raspy.

“Ah, um. The tea is almost done, Koizumi-kun.” Asahina-san stammered, gesticulating towards the cups on the counter.

Koizumi offered her an enigmatic smile as he shook his head and left, shutting the door behind him.

Asahina-san looked slightly put out, but she turned to me with her bright smile almost instantly.

“Kyon-kun, would you like a cup of tea?” She offered, leaning over to peer inquisitively at me. She was tugging the front of her short skirt down with one hand, and holding the handle of our small kyūsu teapot with the other.

“Yes, please.” I smiled wearily, rubbing at my temple with my left hand. I glanced around the room for the first time since I’d entered, and caught Nagato’s hard glare. I froze, feeling thoroughly chilled. She maintained eye contact until I looked away, and then went back to reading her book. I had the feeling she knew exactly what had transpired in the hallway.

Good grief, what is this supposed to mean?

()

The meeting that day wasn’t particularly eventful. Haruhi spent the entire time surfing the Web and looking for newspaper articles on supernatural happenings locally, but found nothing.

“The newspapers around here suck! There aren’t any interesting articles; it’s all normal crap about the community or politics!” Haruhi complained, pushing her chair out from the desk and leaning back lazily.

Well pardon the community for not reaching your ridiculous standards of sensational news!

I knew better than to tell her to do her own journalism, because she actually would do so and drag the rest of us into whatever cockamamie scheme she came up with.

I focussed on the Othello game I was wordlessly playing with Koizumi, trying to ignore the simultaneous headache and stomach ache festering away inside of me.

Asahina-san seemed to be concerned, bless her kind heart, but I didn’t feel up to her gentle attempts at conversation. She hovered over our game fretfully, refilling my tea whenever it was empty.

If I had any more tea, I definitely _would_ get a stomach ache. The horrible way Koizumi smiled as if nothing had happened before certainly exacerbated it. I kept my eyes on the little black and white game pieces, staring until the stark colours were burnt into my retinas.

The game continued on to a stalemate. Normally I would have beaten Koizumi no problem, as he tended to be exceptionally horrible at board games in general, but I wasn’t invested in the outcome at all. I just placed pieces on the board, occasionally trapping his pieces if he made glaringly obvious mistakes.

I was brought out of my reverie by the sound of Nagato’s book thudding shut. Out of habit, I pulled my book bag up onto the table, and looked up at Koizumi to confirm that we were done for the day, but I hadn’t prepared myself for making eye contact with him for the first time since he had looked up at me... _before_.

I felt myself redden in embarrassment, and I hastily began to put the pieces away. I heard him chuckle softly, and it really made me want to hit him. I ignored him and hoisted my bag over my shoulder, leaving him to put away the board and game box.

I left as quickly as possible, slightly surprised that Haruhi didn’t say anything about my leaving before the brigade chief.

I started down the stairs, but then heard a soft voice call out to me.

“Wait.”

I turned around.

Nagato was walking towards me, straight-faced as always. I waited for her to catch up to me, and then continued walking, small alien in tow.

“It must be important if you’re talking to me at school.” I said, and she didn’t reply.

“I know what happened.” Nagato finally said bluntly, and I stared at my feet. “I heard everything, and could infer what had taken place.”

And just what would that be?

She ignored me and continued. “Koizumi Itsuki’s intentions are not what they seem.”

“And what do they seem to be to you?” I retorted.

“My opinion is not what the hypothesis is based upon. It is based upon your own perception.” She answered. I bit back an aggravated sigh, feeling the pressure of my headache build up behind my eyes.

“Could you be less cryptic? If you really do know what happened back there, then your idea of Koizumi’s intentions must be a better guess than mine, because I’ve got nothing!” I snapped, feeling beyond weary; as though I had suddenly aged a hundred years without sleep.

She didn’t even blink, taking my irrational mood in stride as she did all things.

“You believe that Koizumi Itsuki is manipulating your emotions as he has in the past.” She stated simply.

I thought about that for a moment. It made sense; Koizumi would often reveal parts of himself in ways that made him seem like almost a normal human, and that caused me to feel sympathy for him.

Only a couple of months ago, when we had filmed Haruhi’s awful movie starring Asahina-san, he had done just that. He came to my home, completely exhausted and looking like shit, and explained the tension between his and Asahina-san’s factions, saying things about her that would plant a little seed of doubt even in my mind that adored her.

To be completely honest, it hadn’t even crossed my mind until Nagato brought it up, and I looked into her unblinking eyes again for clarification. “But you believe otherwise?”

“Koizumi Itsuki would have no grounds to resort to sexual contact in order to sway your feelings towards his faction. That is to say, there is no reason for him to do so from a professional standpoint.” She paused, realising that I didn’t fully understand.  “He acted of his own accord,” she clarified. “Not to influence your feelings towards his faction, but towards himself. That is what I have come to understand.” She finished.

It seemed like my face would have to become accustomed to this perpetual blush. It mildly amused me that Nagato could speak about such a vulgar thing in simple, clinical terms, but I still found it far more embarrassing.

“Why are you telling me this?” While her unprompted exposition wasn’t largely out of character, this had nothing to do with Suzumiya Haruhi, if it was as personal as she said.

“You must continue to hide the events of today, for the time being. Tension between you and Koizumi Itsuki would bring stress upon Suzumiya Haruhi and make observation difficult for all parties involved.” She explained in a clipped tone. I’d been around her long enough to recognise the minute signs of concern just barely furrowing her brow, but even such a slight display of emotion surprised me.

“It is my place to observe, so I cannot interfere beyond this. I cannot share my own perception of the matter, nor can I condemn or condone Koizumi Itsuki’s actions. I can only tell you that because the Data Integration Thought Entity cannot foresee the consequences of Suzumiya Haruhi discovering what has occurred, you must not allow these events to be exposed.” She concluded.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose between two fingers, my temples throbbing. “Believe me, Nagato; I wouldn’t want Haruhi to know anyway.” I clarified patiently.

“I believe you.” She answered frankly, and it took everything in my power at that moment not to groan in exasperation. She appeared to be done talking, as she waited for me to respond.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me?” I asked, just to be sure. She nodded perfunctorily, already starting to walk again.

“All right then. See you.” I said meaninglessly, as I knew she wouldn’t respond.

She surprised me, however, by looking over her shoulder and saying quietly:

“See you.”

()

“Kyon-kun, you’re home!” I resigned myself to my little sister’s pestering, though I was in the mood for nothing more than to lie down and take a nap. Probably for the rest of my life.

“Yeah, hey.” I greeted her wanly, slipping off my outdoor shoes. She was carrying around Shamisen, my calico cat, like a big teddy bear. He also seemed to have resigned himself, as he was making no move to escape her lopsided clutches.

“Dinner’s almost ready. Mum made nikujaga and rice.” She supplied, hefting up Shamisen when he began to slip.

“Sounds good.” I didn’t feel hungry, but I knew better than to skip out on dinner.

“Do you wanna watch Doraemon with me after?” She asked, finally putting down Shamisen. He padded off sluggishly, probably to find somewhere to sleep.

“Sorry, but no. I have English homework to read.” I deflected, only feeling slightly guilty for turning her down. “Doraemon is for kids, anyway.”

She put her hands on her hips, frowning.

“You’ve been no fun since you started high school!” She protested, and she went off to the kitchen, probably to help mum set the table. I sighed wearily and ascended the stairs to put my things in my room.

Dinner was uneventful, and I was thankful that I wasn’t asked too much about my day. I helped clean up afterwards, and then went up to my room to do my homework.

But when I sat down at my desk and stared at the assigned reading, I found myself unable to focus at all.

“Dammit.” I muttered, cradling my forehead in my palm. My headache from earlier had returned with a vengeance, and hot tears prickled against my eyelids.

_‘I can’t believe you let him fuck with you,’_ I berated myself internally, putting my head down on my desk and nestling in my arms. _‘And what are you going to do about it now?’_

I had to pretend as though nothing had happened, when really all I wanted to do to Koizumi at this point was... What?

I was torn. One the one hand, the bastard had forced himself onto me in a situation where pushing him off would be impossible. For that, I wanted to kick his ass. On the other hand, I felt guilty. I could have made a scene and Koizumi would have backed off, but my pride didn’t allow it. If Haruhi and Asahina-san were to find out what had happened between us, it would be absolutely mortifying.

I felt so infuriated and slightly betrayed, because the more I thought about it, I knew that I was the one who let it happen and that I was partly to blame. I clenched my teeth, letting out a shaky breath.

I felt an ice-cold flutter in the centre of my chest, like an arctic whirlwind enveloping my sternum. It was similar, too similar, to the butterflies I got from Asahina-san’s smile, but nowhere near as warm and dizzying. No, it was icy and tinged with the bitter recognition of my guilt.

I hadn’t hated it.

Sure, it was humiliating at the time, but I hadn’t actively tried to stop him, because it really hadn’t felt bad.

I realised that I wasn’t going to get any of my homework done, so I turned off my desk lamp and lied down on my bed. I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep with these thoughts clouding my mind like an octopus shooting ink in water, but I was weary enough that I could at least delude myself into thinking I could. I shut my eyes and pressed my face into my pillow, exhaling deeply and feeling the heat from my breath spread. I tried to relax and clear my mind completely, contemplating only the darkness.

The image of Koizumi’s face looking up at me back then suddenly flashed behind my closed eyelids, and I suppressed a frustrated groan. The inscrutable emotion that had been in his liquid amber eyes was too confusing to dwell on, and it made my stomach churn with a nauseating heat. It reminded me too much of the warmth that had pooled in my stomach only hours earlier, and I tensed at the memory. At the time, I had felt that I would burn up into oblivion, the feverish heat of Koizumi’s tongue only fuelling the flames.

_Too hot._

It was too hot for only February.

I kicked off my socks and jeans and shed my shirt in a pile at the foot of my bed, lying beneath the covers in just my boxers.

I still felt uncomfortably warm. I shifted myself so that I was lying on top of my covers, the slight chill in my room giving me gooseflesh all over. It was better than being hot, which only reminded me further of what had happened today.

I shivered, curling my knees up to my chest, and tried to will my unwanted erection away. I steadied my breathing and lied very still, but it wouldn’t yield, which didn’t make sense considering how cold I was.

Frustrated, I gripped myself through my boxers, deciding to just get it over with so I could get some sleep.

For a while that was fine, and I concentrated on the dull warmth that began to spread with each stroke. I slipped my boxers down off of my hips, not bothering to take them off all the way, without interrupting my steady rhythm.

I pumped myself mechanically, biting my lip and closing my eyes. My mind wandered, and I found myself imagining Asahina-san, in her normal maid costume, shyly stroking me with her gentle, dainty fingers.

_“Kyon-kun, is this okay?” She would ask bashfully, her kind eyes the colour of burnt caramel gazing into my own. I gasped, nodding feverishly, and she began to stroke faster, circling her tiny hand around my cock. “Does it feel... good?” Her voice was mellow, and took on a teasing tone that I’d never actually heard her use._

_“Y-yes.” I hissed, clenching my jaw and throwing my head back. She giggled softly._

_“I’m glad.” She leaned forward and kissed the tip of my erection._

I groaned quietly, clenching my other fist at my side, while swirling the pre-cum that had seeped from the tip of my cock all over the head with my thumb. Still continuing to stroke myself, I used my other hand to squeeze some hand lotion from the bottle on my nightstand into my palm. I slicked my cock gradually with each stroke, using both of my hands now, and went back to my fantasy.

_Asahina-san tentatively lapped at the sides of the shaft, while still rubbing the tip and head with only her fingertips._

_“Kyon-kun... How is this?” She asked around her tongue, and the way it dampened her words was strangely arousing._

_“S-so good.” I whimpered quietly, embarrassed by the neediness in my own voice._

_She giggled quietly, and took the tip into her mouth, just barely suckling._

I bit my lip hard to stifle myself from crying out. I continued to stroke myself softly, but it unexpectedly grew very frustrating.

I couldn’t maintain this gentle fantasy; I needed something rougher. Asahina-san was not rough, nor could she ever be rough, not even in my wildest fantasies. It would feel debasing and wrong to even fantasise about being rough with her, but I needed more than this.

Squeezing my cock firmly in my fist, I thrust up into my hand forcefully and bit back a low moan. I imagined soft, wet lips taking me in all the way, eagerly accepting my desperate, impatient thrusting, and a hot, deft tongue running along my cock from the base to the head, playfully pressing its tip into the slit.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

I panted heavily, trying to focus on the intense heat welling up in my loins, while also trying to ignore the memory of an arrogant smirk, pressing at the edge of my mind.

I was nearing my limit, finding it increasingly harder to maintain the energy to continue jerking my hips into my hand, but I knew if I stopped or even slowed down now, completion would be cruelly ripped away. Anxious whimpers were escaping from my tightly pressed lips, and I was trembling uncontrollably; I was so, so close.

My pulse hammered through my whole body and I clenched my fist even more tightly around my erection, recalling the sensation of being swallowed whole, and squeezing my hand in imitation of that same hot, wet suction.

_Ah, fuck. Just a little more- just a bit more!_

I jerked my hips forward one last time as I came with a muffled sob, continuing to pump my fading, leaking erection as I trembled uncontrollably.

Panting laboriously, I collapsed onto my back, exhausted and completely spent.

It was later on, after I had wiped away the cooling semen from my hands and chest when I realised, wracked with guilt, that for the second time today I had finished with Koizumi’s name on my lips.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all new writing; sorry I haven't updated in literally almost half a year. I'm still unhappy with this chapter, but at least it's finally finished and tolerable in my eyes. This is now the longest fanwork I have ever written. Hurrah!

I awoke the next morning to my sister padding through my room and turning off my alarm clock for me.

“Honestly, Kyon-kun! What’s with you?” She admonished, as if she was the older sibling. “You didn’t let Shammy in your room last night, and I found him curled up outside your door.” She seemed rather cross, and was cradling the aforementioned cat protectively to her chest. “You gotta get up for school now. Mum made you some toast and jam coz you’re running late.”

I sat up groggily, turning to look at my clock. I saw that it was indeed ten minutes after the time I would normally get up. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t sound like much. But every minute counts when you factor in the detail that I sleep quite late to begin with, and I’m already usually in a hurry to get to school on time because of it.

I would have to take my bicycle today, as much as I hated biking up that damn hill, in order to make up for lost time.

This day was already off to a bad start.

()

Only after biking double-speed down my normal route and walking my bicycle up that agonising hill (I decided against trying to bike uphill, and instead ran with my bike as carefully as I could) did I dare to check my watch, as I locked up my bike.

Five minutes ‘til homeroom.

I’d made it just in time.

“That’s funny; usually you’re here sooner.” Haruhi commented offhandedly as I walked briskly into class and took my seat in front of her, still breathing rather heavily. “You really ought to organise your mornings better.”

“Mm.” I conceded dejectedly, leaning forward to rest my head in my arms.

“Oh, and also, we’re having a brief meeting at lunch today, so no skipping out, got it?” Haruhi ordered roughly, poking my shoulder for emphasis. She received a muffled grunt from my exhausted heap on the desk as response.

Okabe-sensei came into the classroom seconds before the bell, as usual, and after we went through the “rise and bow” routine, I sat right back down and buried my face in my folded arms once more.

Homeroom proceeded without incident, I think; I didn’t really pay any attention at all.

All of my morning classes were a bit of a blur, actually, and it felt like hardly any time at all until lunchtime rolled around.

“I’ll be waiting in the clubroom, so don’t try and skip!” Haruhi sang as she dashed out the door, before I could get a word in edgewise.

I started to pack my books up when a bento box was clacked rather forcefully on my desk. I looked up to the leering face of my classmate and so-called friend, Taniguchi.

“Yo, buddy. Long time no talk.” He joked as he pulled his chair up to my desk. I stood at the same time, and he pulled a face.

“Don’t look at me like that. I gotta go to a meeting, or else the great beast Suzumiya will have my head.” I warned solemnly. He snorted and speared a bite-size meatball with his chopsticks, popping it into his mouth.

“You’re totally whipped, dude. I can tell you’ve got it bad.”

“What.” I said flatly, and he snickered.

“You weren’t paying any attention at all this morning; it was totally obvious. Don’t try and tell me you weren’t daydreaming either, coz it was written all over your face.”

If my face betrayed anything I was feeling, I must have looked like I’d eaten something disagreeable, then.

“Hey, now, what’s with that face? I’m just teasing, buddy. Lady troubles are no big deal. Well, with Suzumiya, it might be a big deal...A big, horrible deal...”

I let out a short laugh, and he looked pleased with himself, until I immediately shot that idea down.

“Not a chance. Suzumiya’s barely a friend, let alone anything like that.”

I wish that it was just lady troubles. The reality is much stranger than that, and much grosser.

Taniguchi was not deterred.

“Then who? The A-minus Rank Nagato Yuki, or the immeasurable beauty Asahina Mikuru? You’re around them all the time, so I totally get you, buddy. Come to think of it, you should introduce us more personally sometime, pal.” He was joking, but the very serious glint in his eye did not go unnoticed. I snuck a discreet look at the wall clock and cleared my throat.

“As usual, Taniguchi, it’s been a real laugh, but I really must be on my way.”

“Maybe you should eat lunch with Kunikida and me sometime this week, for once.”

I chuckled and made him a vague promise before I left.

()

“That Taniguchi held you up again, didn’t he? What did he want? Was he trying to mooch your notes?” Haruhi prodded as soon as I entered the clubroom. Asahina-san looked on in mildly concerned interest, dressed in just her school uniform, as it was only a brief lunchtime meeting with no real reason for her to change. Still, a teapot rested on an embroidered cloth potholder in the middle of the table, steaming welcomingly from its spout.

“Something like that.” I conceded, as Asahina-san slid my teacup across the table to my usual seat.

“It’s cooled enough for you to drink.” She said gently, as I thanked her and raised it to my lips to take a deep sip. “I poured it just before you arrived to give it some time.”

Bless your attentive heart; one such as you is too angelic for this plane of existence!

“Oh, hey Yuki.” Haruhi said, as Nagato silently closed the door behind her. You would have never noticed her come in, had Haruhi not been facing the door. The quiet alien sat in the corner by the window, opened her book (a thick hardcover in what appeared to be German), and began to read silently.

“Koizumi-kun is awfully late today.” Asahina-san mused aloud after a few minutes, watching the door expectantly.

“Oh, Koizumi-kun isn’t coming.” Haruhi said, typing something on the computer. “Apparently he isn’t even here today. I asked his class’ rep when I stopped by class 1-9 on my way here.”

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I avoided looking anyone in the eye.

“Oh dear, I hope he isn’t sick.” Asahina-san murmured sympathetically.

“Who knows?” Haruhi shrugged. “Maybe he had an appointment, and he’ll be here after school.” Her tone was disinterested, and she was scrolling listlessly on the computer mouse. I couldn’t help but worry when she was bored like this, especially when it wasn’t even accompanied by manic restlessness. _Could the reason for Koizumi’s absence be...?_

“If not, Kyon-kun will have no one to play with, huh?” Asahina-san said with a small smile, obviously trying to tease me in her own docile way. I allowed her a weak smile in turn, though her remark had actually made me feel rather nauseated.

We sat in silence for a while, except for the small talk that Asahina-san and I made while Haruhi did whatever work on the computer and Nagato read her book. Then the bell rang, warning us that class would start again in five minutes.

“Well, meet here again after school, and we’ll see if Koizumi-kun shows up then!” Haruhi said, not sounding particularly hopeful of either outcome. “I didn’t have anything particular planned for today, so it’s no real loss, but I’m surprised he didn’t text me or anything to say that he wouldn’t be here. Did he send you a text, Kyon?”

The question startled me before I realised that it was a reasonable assumption.

“No! Why would he?” I blurted out in indignation. She seemed surprised.

“Because you’re the only other person he would text about that stuff, obviously. Yuki doesn’t have a mobile, and I don’t think Mikuru-chan even has him as a contact.” Asahina-san shook her head in agreement.

But that couldn’t be true. I knew for a fact that they had each other’s mobile numbers, because when time had started looping over the summer, Koizumi was the first person Asahina-san told. (By the way, I’m not bitter; it just doesn’t make sense why she would tell that jerk before telling me. That’s all.)

I still felt pretty foolish for reacting so strongly.

“Besides, you guys are pretty close anyway, right?” Haruhi asked, hefting her school bag up to her shoulder. “I figured you’d ask him if he didn’t tell you first. He hasn’t responded to my text yet anyway, which is unusual for him. Maybe he really is sick?” She was mostly talking to herself now, so I didn’t bother responding.

Back in class, I tried not to think about much of anything, deciding to make a more concerted effort to look like I was paying attention. I had my textbook out to the right page and everything. But still, my mind wandered, and I found myself worrying, actually worrying about that bastard, in spite of what had happened yesterday.

Was he really sick, or had a new Closed Space appeared?

He never missed school. His prime directive was to observe Haruhi, so I wouldn’t be surprised if his Agency had discovered some secret cure for the common cold, for the sole purpose of cutting down on the absences of teenage ESPers from school. If that were the case, I’d have to shake him down for info on that for the next time I fall ill on an exam day.

That is, if I even wanted to see his smug face ever again.

At last, the final bell rang and Haruhi and I walked to the clubroom together, as she chattered about something or other. Based on the tone of her voice alone, I nodded or shook my head and made the right non-committal noises in all the right places.

Nagato was already sitting by the window, and Asahina-san had already changed into her freshly laundered maid outfit. I flushed lightly as I recalled yesterday’s circumstances that had necessitated her wearing the Battle Waitress costume in place of her usual costume.

“Welcome back!” She greeted us warmly, perfectly befitting of her attire. “The tea isn’t finished steeping, but it’ll only be a moment.”

“That’s okay, Mikuru-chan! Just make sure not to spill tea on yourself again; try spilling it on Kyon instead!” Haruhi suggested, her demeanour far too earnest for such a dumb joke.

I’d actually prefer if you not spill it on anyone at all, Asahina-san, but please just do your best.

Our meeting carried on as uneventfully as usual, but my opponent in checkers was instead Asahina-san. She lost all four games, though I’ll account one of those losses to nerves, as Nagato was staring pointedly at the board during the one game where I was purposely letting Asahina-san win, until I stopped. Nagato’s stare is enough to make anyone uncomfortable; someone as timid as Asahina-san doesn’t stand a chance.

Finally, the last bell rang, for those students who hung around the school far too late.

Koizumi didn’t show up.

“That’s a shame.” Asahina-san said to me gently. “I’m sorry that I’m no good at board games.” She added apologetically. I shook my head. (That’s okay, Asahina-san; Koizumi is only _marginally_ better than you in even that area.)

“What do I care if he didn’t show up? He’s probably just sick, or cutting class.”

Asahina-san looked affronted. “B-but, Koizumi-kun would never do that! Besides, shouldn’t we be worried if he is sick? He is our colleague, after all.”

There’s no need to defend someone like that so vehemently. You did, after all, tell me not to trust a word out of that guy’s mouth.

“Huh? I uh, I don’t think that was quite what I said. But if we’re talking about things I’ve said before, I’ve also said that I have nothing at all against Koizumi-kun himself. I think he’s... charming, to be honest.” She said with a small smile that made my stomach flip-flop.

You wouldn’t find him so charming if you had any idea what that bastard would stoop to, especially right under your nose.

I bit my tongue, unwilling to open this proverbial can of worms, because there was no way I could cast aspersions on Koizumi’s character without bringing my own grievous misdeeds into it.

The sun had started to set, so I left the room in order to allow Asahina-san to change back into her school uniform. Nagato didn’t intercept me on my way out the door today, so I went to unlock my bike then rode home.

()

Day two of this unbearable headache and stomach ache combo, coupled with my little sister pestering me to help her with her homework. It’s a wonder that I could continue to function at all.

After managing to get my sister to attempt at least half of the questions on her own, I decided I was overdue for a nice, contemplative bath.

There’s a saying that baths let you soak your troubles away, and that is a saying that I still faithfully subscribe to. But though the heated water did wonders for my physical aches, I still found myself dwelling in a toxic melancholy.

I like my way of dealing with problems. That is to say, I like not dealing with them for as long as possible. I thought that taking a bath would allow me to melt into the heat of the water and forget about everything, but instead its silence made it impossible to ignore the vivid clarity of my thoughts.

_How dare he skip class today, and deny me the chance to tell him off?_

I didn’t want to see him; he could go to hell for all I cared. Even if he came knocking now, I’d sooner turn him away than let him be the one in control.

It must have been dramatic irony, or some kind of divine joke, for at that moment I heard a gentle knock on the changing room door, and my mum calling my name.

“You have a visitor.” She said through the door.

“Who is it?” I tried to sound patient, though I felt like screaming.

“It’s your friend Koizumi-kun from school.”She replied. “You should go down and greet him, once you get dressed.”

_How dare that bastard come here after what he did? Why now?_

I briefly considered asking my mum to tell him I wasn’t here and to kindly piss off, but I knew that being rude wouldn’t fly. However frustrating they may be, the conventions of common courtesy must be upheld. It can’t be helped.

I dried myself off and got changed into some casual clothing, then went down to the front entrance, where Koizumi quietly stood. He was also dressed casually, in his own teenage-idol sort of way.

He didn’t greet me, as though he was afraid to speak.

“Let’s go outside.” I offered half-heartedly, not waiting for him to follow me as I had already begun to walk.

We continued in silence to the bridge near my house where we’d had our last “heart-to-heart”, because I had the feeling Koizumi had prepared some pretentious speech that I would have to endure.

Hundreds of possibilities had crossed my mind about what Koizumi would say or do, but none of it prepared me for his hand wrapping around my wrist and abruptly tugging me towards him. I whipped around in the momentum of the pull, stumbling slightly before regaining my footing.

“What the hell?”

I drew my arm back as though I’d been burned. He didn’t respond for a moment, his tired, tawny eyes observing my reaction cautiously.

“You’re blushing.” He commented offhandedly, with weak amusement.

I knew that already; I could feel my face radiating.

“Why are you here?” I wasn’t in the mood for his weak jokes.

His mouth tightened into a grim line, and for the first time since I’d known him, he looked genuinely uncomfortable.

“If I had called you on the phone, you would have hung up without listening to a word.” His own face was quite pink too, coupled with a discomfited frown, but I didn’t comment on it.

He was right, too. I had absolutely no desire to speak to him, even now, with him right before me.

“You’ve spoken to Nagato-san about what happened.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, but he was asking with his eyes. I turned away from him, scowling.

“Did you really think you could pull something like that in the fucking hallway without anyone noticing?” I snapped, clenching my hands into tight fists around the railing.

“I don’t know what I was thinking.” He admitted wearily, rubbing the back of his neck. He rested his folded arms on the railing and stared absently at the skyline. “Honestly, I don’t even know.” His voice sounded strained, but I wouldn’t give him the pity he was fishing for. I wouldn’t let him jerk me around anymore, if I could help it.

He leaned forward, nestling his chin in one hand, and took a deep breath.

“I didn’t... I never meant to...” He began, then clamped his mouth shut, his brows furrowing.

It struck me that he hadn’t planned this; he really didn’t have any idea what to say.

This perpetually smiling bastard who could explain away anything to his advantage, often at the drop of a hat, really couldn’t come up with the same kind of impromptu speech to clear up any of this mess?

“How the hell am I supposed to rationalise what I did?” He muttered sullenly. It was the first time I’d heard him speak so harshly. He hesitated, before softly adding, “I can’t stand to see you falling all over Asahina-san like that.” It was so quiet I nearly didn’t catch it.

“What?” I grit my teeth, anger bubbling up in my stomach. “Don’t start with that bullshit again.”

Koizumi slammed his hands on the railing suddenly, immediately afterwards looking surprised at his own reaction. He continued on in a low, rushed manner regardless.

“You always think that I’m lying to you, or that I’m just joking around. Do you really distrust me that much? Or is it just easier for you to assume that?” He clenched the railing in his fists until his knuckles turned pale. I didn’t respond, far too shocked at this sudden out-of-character display to say anything.

He scoffed derisively, and continued his rhetorical tirade.

“I know that Asahina-san is doing nothing but be her cute, innocent self. But I can’t help but come to resent her when you spend all of your time together, and she keeps charming you and winning your trust so easily.” His lips twitched into a dour half-smile.

“I can’t help but feel completely locked out when you go off and do things that save our world constantly.” He turned his head away, as if in shame, before adding, “I almost find myself wishing for Suzumiya-san to become bored and restless, just so I can finally become useful once again in such an extraordinary way.”

“But what about the co-ed vacations? The remote island and the snowy mountain incidents? You had your part in planning those, and those certainly entertained Haruhi enough!” I argued, willing him to look at me.

“But in that regard, how am I any different from Tsuruya-san?” Koizumi countered. “She’s a normal human, as far as we’re concerned, and at this point I hardly qualify as being an ESPer, really.” He let out a long sigh, brushing strands of hair out of his face. “You’re a normal human too, to look on the opposite side of the spectrum, yet you’ve been involved in time travel and saving the world more times than I can count on one hand.” There was bitterness in his tone, and I still couldn’t catch his eye. I couldn’t help that my missions tended to not involve him, but he was far from useless.

“I’m not omnipotent like Nagato Yuki, and I’m not endearing like Asahina Mikuru.” Koizumi said softly. “I’m not fascinating and charming like Suzumiya-san.” He forced himself to smile as he usually did, and the change startled me. It was indistinguishable from his normal façade, but this time, I was aware of the emotions hidden behind it.

“My job is to be forever smiling, and to appease Suzumiya-san when her emotions waver, to the best of my ability.” He sounded completely resigned to this fate that he never asked for.

We stood wordlessly for a while, and his smile slowly faded back into the troubled look he’d shown up at my door with.

It was my voice that finally broke the silence.

“I still don’t understand what the hell happened with us.”

He shook his head, his hair falling back into his face as he did so. “I can only take so much of your sickening crush on Asahina-san before I’ve had enough.” He said vaguely.

“To see you unravel in the hallway like that, over her...” He trailed off, his eyebrows knitting together as he grimaced. I felt my cheeks flush again as I’d recalled her cute cries of distress from before.

“Shut up; I wasn’t doing anything.”

“You were practically _rutting_ against your own hand.” He spat, the word dripping with venomous distaste. I opened my mouth indignantly but immediately snapped it shut, unable to think of a suitable response in my absolute mortification.

_“Were you thinking of Asahina-san?”_ Was what he had whispered into my ear then, and then he’d muttered something else that I couldn’t discern at the time. But now, I could remember what he had said quite clearly.

_“I’m better.”_

“You’re... you’re jealous...?” I murmured without thinking. Koizumi laughed, but it was a sharp, humourless bark.

“You really are dense.”

“Shut up, how the hell am I supposed to come to _that_ conclusion? I still don’t understand!” I stammered, thinking about the last time a scenario even vaguely similar to this had happened. No one had ever even hinted at any kind of romantic feelings for me before. I mean, there _was_ that misunderstanding with my old classmate Nakagawa over the phone only recently, but at that time I had deliberated, and conclusively determined that I am _not_ , in fact, gay. I had even entertained the possibility of Koizumi confessing, only as a joke, but never had I even considered that it would ever happen in reality.

Although this wasn’t really a confession at all, so could this be another misunderstanding?

“Do you need me to spell it out for you clearly?” His tone was impatient, but his collected manner was returning.

“I don’t want to misunderstand. I really hope I _am_ misinterpreting this.” I admitted wearily.

He took a deep breath, and exhaled uneasily.

“I don’t know when it started.” He began, and my heart plunged into the depths of my stomach at the sudden realisation that – _oh shit_ – this was indeed a confession.

“It might have been back in September.” He muttered pensively, and I waited for him to go on.

“We got closer during the summer,” he said, then added as an afterthought, “Although it’s not surprising when you realise in retrospect that it was almost 600 years.”

My face soured; I still recalled vague flashes of those endless two weeks.

“That isn’t funny.” I snapped, thinking of how depressed and forlorn Nagato had been for such a long time afterwards. You really couldn’t blame her for the events of December 18th last year, when you knew there were _600_ _years_ of boredom and loneliness behind them.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said quietly, actually seeming sincere.

“After time resumed, and we continued on into the autumn, I expected things to go on as usual. That is, until Suzumiya-san came up with the idea to shoot a movie.” He tittered softly, raking his fingers through his hair in a weary gesture.

His tone may have been fond, but I knew just how stressed out he had been during filming.

“Oh, I was, very. Having to learn two scripts, on top of a live performance, _and_ worrying about Suzumiya-san’s... _interesting_ additions...” This was worded carefully. “I know it seems like I tend to rely on you a lot, but having to ask for your help personally...” He observed our surroundings nostalgically and caught my eye with a silly half-grin. “In this very place, as a matter of fact. Well, before then it wasn’t something I considered as a primary option, anyway.”

I understand you there, buddy; I myself feel as though I depend upon Nagato far too much.

You really did dump the most volatile task onto my own busy shoulders back then, though.

“I apologise for that, but you understand now that you really were the only one suitable for the job.” He put on his most contrite smile and made a feeble pleading gesture with his hands pressed together.

Terrible acting; absolutely lacklustre.

He laughed quietly, pausing as though to gather his thoughts.

“For a while, I thought we would just continue becoming friends, and that was all I really wanted.” He turned around to face me and leaned back onto the railing, threading his hands in front of him. His brow furrowed and he continued, “But things got more complicated than that, quickly.”

“I know that it’s lame, but I really don’t have any close friends at school, only acquaintances from my class. And even outside of school, you’re the only person I can really talk to, other than Suzumiya-san. But of course, there are restrictions on that.” His voice was very quiet, and I could tell this was embarrassing for him to admit. “You think that I’m lying to you or joking around all the time but really, you’re the only person I can be honest with.”

_He’s jerking you around again. It’s like Nagato said; he’s manipulating you with this unexpected sob story just to elicit some sympathy._

No, wait. Nagato said that that wasn’t necessarily true. She may have also said some time ago that there’s no way of verifying that Koizumi is telling the truth, but she said the same thing about Asahina-san, and even herself.

“I suppose that when you let someone see so much of yourself that you keep hidden away, you can’t help but feel indebted to that person. Trust is a fragile, special thing, and it’s the basis of any decent relationship.”

You’re starting to digress.

“Am I really? Then let me clarify. What I’m trying to say is, the moment I started trusting you more than I had to, I think that’s when I realised I couldn’t be satisfied with being just your friend.” He said simply, but the words knocked the proverbial wind out of me.

What was that supposed to mean? Don’t get carried away now, you jerk!

“I could never accept just that. Not with you.” He reiterated, staring into my eyes intensely. I averted my own gaze in discomfort.

No matter how many times you say it, it really isn’t something I can accept so easily!

“What do you mean, ‘not with me’?” I asked finally, feeling utterly overwhelmed. He laughed softly, the normal, musical laugh I was used to.

“You really do know how to sell yourself short. You have no idea just how remarkable you truly are.” His eyes twinkled, and he boldly stepped closer to me once again.

I felt my face grow unbearably hot, as my mind went completely blank. His hand reached out to cup my face, and he hesitated.

“May I?”

“Now you’re asking?” I remarked ironically.

He chuckled and shook his head, leaning in tentatively. I froze, not knowing whether to resist or not when his mouth pressed gently to mine in a chaste kiss. His soft lips moved slowly against my chapped ones, completely different from the rough, competitive kiss of the day before. It felt different, too; there was no immediacy, no sense of urgency.

I let myself relax into it, not realising my mistake until Koizumi’s hand brushed down my spine to rest on my waist, figuratively locking me in.

As though waking with a start, I broke away. Koizumi’s arms fell dully to his sides.

“I- ... I’m not...” I began.

Koizumi’s face fell. “N-no... I- ... I know...” He mumbled, flushing with embarrassment. “Me either...” He added, but he almost sounded unsure.

I was unsure. I had no idea how I felt, or how to react, or where to go from here.

The silence kept a cold vice around our throats, neither one of us wanting to break it.

But someone had to say something.

“Koizumi...” I began, and he looked up with a start. I avoided his hopeful gaze. “Can we... maybe, put this on hold?” I asked tentatively, feeling foolish for using such a trite line once again.

“On... hold?” He repeated, looking puzzled.

“Well, I uh- ...” I stammered, and felt my face heating up. “I mean, could we perhaps set aside the matter of whether you and I are this or that, or whatever? Just, put it all on hold, for now?” I finished.

“To be revisited later?” He clarified, after considering this for a moment.

“After a period of deliberation.” I confirmed, and he continued thinking it over. To my surprise, he began to laugh.

“I never knew you to be quite so rational.”

I bristled indignantly.

“Hey, don’t patronise me, you jerk!”

He quelled his laughter, and wrapped his arms around his middle.

“No, I’m... I’m glad you’re even thinking this over.” Koizumi admitted. His expression was soft, and almost tender.

Yet it somehow felt like I was the vulnerable one.

“So, what you’re asking is to pretend everything is normal, at least for the time being?” Koizumi asked.

After thinking it over, I nodded pensively, while making a “so-so” gesture with my hand.

“Mm, the other girls can’t find out about what happened the other day; it’d completely throw the brigade’s rhythm off.” I pointed out, and he nodded in agreement. “That’s really it. We just can’t let the others know that something weird is up with us.  Especially not Haruhi.”

Koizumi had taken an apparent interest in his own shoes, and didn’t look up.

“I see... Yes, especially not Suzumiya-san...” He murmured absently, looking troubled.

“What’s up?” I asked, perturbed by his sudden dip in attitude. He shook his head and offered a casual half-smile. I knew immediately it was forced. “Koizumi.”

He raised his hands in a soothing gesture, and responded.

“It’s nothing. You just said that... Is it really so ‘weird’?” He asked, in that cryptic, philosophical way he’d gotten down to an art form.

“It is!” I said, admittedly rather bluntly. “The whole thing is fundamentally very messed up and _weird_.”

He opened his mouth as if to say something in response, and then popped it shut.

“It’s not even coz we’re both guys, though that’s definitely an unsavoury part of it. It’s just, uh... _how_ these events were set in motion.” I said vaguely, and his face coloured.

“C-could we... Put that behind us?” He muttered, staring at the concrete beneath our feet.

“Hmm, that’d be awfully convenient for you.” I pointed out.

“You were the one getting enjoyment out of it, if I recall correctly.” He interjected coolly, glancing defiantly into my eyes. Now my face coloured in turn.

“Wh-! Well, if there was nothing in it for you, then why did you do it?!” I hissed, and his gaze returned once again to our shoes. He didn’t answer.

“So I’d owe you?” I prodded, and his head snapped up.

“No!” He exclaimed indignantly, holding my gaze evenly now. But the embarrassment still remained, and he stammered the rest. “It... I-, there was something in it for me, too, after all... I enjoyed...” He sighed heavily with apprehension. “I enjoyed doing that... for you.”

My shoulders tensed at that admission. “Wh-what?!!” I spluttered, and surprisingly, he didn’t look away.

“Don’t ever think that I would do something detestable like that.” He said softly, sounding hurt.

“How could doing _that_ possibly be enjoyable?” I muttered, absolutely mortified.

“Because you enjoyed it.” He said simply.

If only I could sink into the earth like Atlantis into the sea, and never come up. I was so humiliated I felt I could melt into a puddle right then and there.

But there was still something left to be asked.

“But... Why so suddenly?” I began, unable to look him in the eyes. “How could you just do something like that, with no forethought?”

Koizumi bit his lip. “Somehow, I felt... You’re so enamoured with Asahina-san... It didn’t matter anymore. It was all or nothing. Because I know if you didn’t feel the same way, even a little, I wouldn’t be allowed to remain your friend.” Koizumi explained grimly. “Besides, in terms of the brigade, I could be easily replaced.”

“Shut the hell up!” I snapped, and his eyes widened in surprise. “Don’t go deciding things like that on your own!” My hands were clenched tightly in my anger. “You think that any of us would possibly be okay with you leaving the brigade? Do you really think Haruhi would accept that so easily?”

He gave a quiet, bitter chuckle.

“My father’s company is transferring us to Hong Kong. This is my two week notice. It was a pleasure becoming acquainted with all of you.” He said, in a gross exaggeration of his normal polite demeanour.

“And then either our Student Council President would become more active in monitoring the brigade’s activities, or another colleague of mine would transfer in my place. Suzumiya-san would be intrigued enough by that odd ‘coincidence’ alone, I should think. She is a rational girl, though, and we are reasonably close, so naturally she would be at least a little distressed, and perhaps dissatisfied by my explanation. But in the grand scheme of things, I don’t matter much to her at all. She could quite easily forget about me.” Koizumi said softly, his voice betraying no emotion.

I’d had enough.

I grabbed his shirt collar roughly, yanking him forward so that we were staring eye-to-eye.

“Do you really think _I_ would accept that so easily?” I cried. My other arm rested stiffly at my side, hand balled into a tight fist. “Don’t be an idiot!” I punctuated this by jostling him by the collar, then let go just as roughly. He stumbled back a few steps before regaining his footing.

We stood before each other in tense silence for a moment, until surprisingly, Koizumi began to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” I snapped.

“You know, when I implied you have feelings for me, you didn’t deny it.”  He said mischievously, a small gleam returning to his eyes.

“W-well, I was kinda busy defending your place in the brigade, in case you hadn’t noticed!” I spluttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

I sighed wearily. “Can we be serious for a minute?”

“I’m sorry. This is a serious matter.” Koizumi admitted solemnly. “Please go on.”

I took a deep breath, and considered what I was about to say.

“This is really messed up and weird for me, and as usual when it comes to things involving the brigade and its members, I’m completely lost and confused.” I began, and paused once again.

“But I’m tired of ignoring things I don’t understand. It’s a huge fault of mine, and I kinda resolved at the end of last year to fix it. So I want to understand this. But it’s going to take some time.” I confessed, feeling ashamed somehow.

“I’ve never really considered the possibility of being gay. Even back when I’d first mistaken Nakagawa’s confession for Nagato as being directed towards me, actually dating a guy never once crossed my mind.” Koizumi’s lips pressed into a firm line at this. “But I have to be honest...” My internal dialogue screamed at me to shut up.

_Shut up!_

“You confuse me. Everything you say and do is... an enigma. I don’t trust you, but I have to, somehow. It’s kinda like that anthropic principle or whatever that you told me about when we first met. I believe you because everything that happens around me relies upon it. If I don’t accept your explanations, then I’m left even more confused than I was before.” I swallowed dryly. “This might be the same way... But there’s no easy explanation for the way you make me feel.” _Shut up, do you realise how stupid you sound?_

“On the surface, I really do hate you, don’t I?” I mused aloud, and Koizumi’s face pinched.

“But at the same time, I think in the same way you feel, you’re probably my best friend.” I admitted, and he relaxed.

“So... I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want things to get weird and for you to feel like you have to leave because of it.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. Koizumi cleared his throat and spoke for the first time in a while.

“I’ve never heard you say so much without so much as a hint of sarcasm before.” He commented offhandedly. “It’s so honest, I have to say, it makes me happy.” A small smile graced his features as he continued. “I can’t leave the brigade. It’s my duty to the Agency, and as the brigade’s incumbent Vice President to stay. I must admit, I was bluffing before. I know that Suzumiya-san wouldn’t let me go quite so easily.” Koizumi’s brow crinkled. “Besides, I’m quite fond of the way things are right now.”

“Really?” I asked. “Even if I don’t return your feelings?”

He shook his head. “Remaining your friend is more important to me than not being around you... all of you, at all.” He finished, smiling in spite of it all.

But I could still catch the traces of sadness around his eyes.

After this exhausting heart-to-heart, we made an agreement that Koizumi wouldn’t skip school anymore without telling me or Haruhi, and that we’d continue on as we’d discussed; as though nothing had ever happened.

That night, I had less trouble sleeping than the night before, but the darkness behind my closed eyelids was still haunted by the memory of dim, melancholy amber eyes.


End file.
